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I am devoted to helping people become more of what is possible for them. My commitment, actually my passion, is to help people become more fully alive.

Nature of Change - Intoduction

Introduction

An old Hebrew proverb says “change takes but an instant.”  It is the resistance to change that can take a lifetime.  It is often said we resist change because it is difficult or painful.  This is not exactly accurate as it is our resistance to change that makes it so stressful.

Over the years I have seen lots of people, many insisting they were  ready for change in some area of their lives.  In spite of the wanting there is a natural reluctance to change.  This reluctance can create resistance to an entire spectrum of change, small and large.  It seems counterintuitive to resist change that we know would bring us positive outcomes, yet we have ingrained thoughts beliefs and behaviors that causes us to get stuck.  As we become more aware of our core selves and our subconscious, we can release the blockages that interfere with our ability to get those positive consequences.

Sometimes people come to see me who have a myriad of problems and are quite discouraged, finding themselves overwhelmed, not knowing where to start the necessary changes.  Sometimes I say to those who find themselves in such a predicament, that one step in one area is a beginning.  You cannot do it all at once but there is a starting point.  One small change starts the process, so with one shift, you’ll feel stronger, a little more courageous, self esteem improves, and so it begins.  One change links to another and spirals upwards.  As you read further, you will more fully understand, that one change is never really just one change.

Gather within a feeling of determination, an intention to change and you cannot fail.  Change is action; old habits are reactions. To transform the parts of life that are not working, to what we want to create, we have to break out of the cycle or reaction and piece by piece weave a new tapestry.

The point being if we do not consciously change, deliberately creating what we want, change will happen anyway without our permission.  Its not a question of whether things will change, but how it will happen.  Say for instance one is in a dead end job and needs to change but puts it off, thinking time will take care of it.  Change will happen anyway.  The stress of the job may change health, attitudes, and overall sense of well being in a negative way.  Self esteem is eroded if we stay in a job that does not engage our talents.  Lower self esteem may block our action to change, so the situation become circular, and not in a good way.  In such an example, the company might merge and be sold and those in dead end jobs let go.  So is it not better to take actions around the changes you can and need to make.  There is no guarantee you will get exactly what you want, in the way you want it and by noon tomorrow.  You will however have a better chance of getting more of what you desire.

A client I’ll call Tony, once said to me, the problem with change is that it’s never one change.  He said “once I start, there may never be a stopping point and I don’t know if I’m up to that much work.”  He said it was simpler for him to stay put and handle the status quo.  He said he could control things as they were most of the time.  He feared that if he shook things up, he might not be able to handle or control the consequences.  What he did not seem to grasp is that such an illusion of control is fragile at best.

Tony was correct in that one change is seldom just that, as one shift usually sets in motion many choices, at many levels.  Of course all choices do not have the same weight or outcome in our lives.  It is however, in having the courage to take responsibility in less important choices, that we build our dance floor on which to dance.  One does not suddenly become courageous in change. We build a reservoir of courage by acting courageous in small accumulative ways.  We have to make choices, test our limits in those manageable increments, before we can nail our courage to the sticking place in order to take bigger risks.

James Hillman, a Jungian psychologist said, “you have to give up the life you have, to get the life that’s waiting for you.”  A great symbol for this process is the trapeze artist who traverses a void to get from one crossbar to the next.  There are no guarantees, there is risk, there is courage, and there is no room for self doubt.  So why do I write a book about change?  There are many of you out there, that I’ll never get an opportunity to meet personally or professionally, however I reach out to give you information, encouragement, some tools, and hopefully a better understanding of yourself.  I would like it if you learn to look at change with more curiosity, and less fear, after reading this book.

Fear of change tends to shrivel us up inside, as we attempt to control the boxes of our lives on the outside.  I support you, in your allowing your courage to become larger than your fear.  There is only one you in the whole wide world, so if you don’t proactively change to be all that you can be, that which you came here to do, will be lost to the rest of us.

    Every blade of grass has its angel
    that bends over it and whispers,
    “grow, grow”.
The Talmud

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